I thought sometime alone
was what we really needed
you said this time would hurt more than it helps
but I couldn't see that
I thought it was the end
of a beautiful story
and so I left the one I loved at home to be alone
and I tried to find
out if this one thing is true
that I'm nothing without you
I know better now
and I've had a change of heart

I'd rather have bad times with you,                                  than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm,                                 than safe and warm by myself
I'd rather have hard times together,                                 than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
whoo-oo-oo-oo yeah

And then I met someone
and thought she could replace you
we got a long just fine
we wasted time because she was not you
we had a lot of fun
though we knew we were faking
love was not impressed with our connection                      they were all lies, all lies
so I'm here cause I found this one thing is true
that I'm nothing without you
I know better now
and I've had a change of heart

I'd rather have bad times with you,                                  than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm,                                 than safe and warm by myself
I'd rather have hard times together,                                 than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
who holds my heart

I can't blame you if you turn away from me, like I've done you,
I can only prove the things I say with time,
please be mine,

I'd rather have bad times with (please be mine) you,
than good times with someone else (I know)
I'd rather be beside you in a storm (anytime),
than safe and warm by myself (so sure baby)
I'd rather have hard times to gether,
than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart (my heart)

I'd rather have bad times with you (surely),
than good times with someone else (surely)
I'd rather be beside you in a storm (oh yeah),
than safe and warm by myself (all by myself)
I'd rather have hard times together,
than to have it easy apart (you know it)
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart

I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
whoooo... who holds my heart

Dom!!! In another 3 minutes, you'll be boarding the plane to Boston... Feels wierd without you at home... Feels like it's empty without your presence...

Good luck in your interview there yea. Enjoy yourself and do send my lovely regards to Jia Hui...

I MISS YOU DOM LUK... MISSING YOU BADLY NOW!!! 

FASTER COME HOME!!!

I was chatting with one of my Kuantan friend, Michelle Tai on MSN when I saw her message: "Why BaBy?" ... I was jokingly asking when she will get married. Her reply was: "My bf passed away 3 months ago, if not I'd have been married by now." OMG!!! I was shocked to find out about her boyfriend's lost. I grieved for her as well. <Pheartab, R.I.P...> Michelle, I'm sorry to hear about Pheartab. I know it's hard for you. But dear, life must go on. And I hope you will live life the fullest. All the best to you...

Early this morning, I sent a good night wish to Vibesh through sms, when I found out yet another shocking news... He told me that he has only 3 months to go and then I won't hear from him every again. He won't tell me the reason until I forced him sms after sms this evening. That was after I promised him I wouldn't call him again, or cry about it, or feel sorry or even see him again. To my dismay, he got cancer!!! Arghh!!! What happened? When he found out about it, was too late. According to the doctor, he had yet another 3 more months to live. Gosh...

Vibesh: "(1) Why no "muah"?... (2) Try toying harder with my feelings... (3) I know you got a boyfriend already. Hope you'll be happy with him... (4) I still love you. You're the one who don't wanna accept it or listen to me... (5) I'm on my way to work. OK, promise me you won't be sorry, or cry after I tell you, or call me or see me ever again... (6) I just want to tell you I got cancer, I have 3 months to live. Only my mom and dad knows. Sham (his boss, Shamsul Yusof) doesn't know, no one knows... (6) I don't need the special care and treatment. I think it's better if we don't meet anymore... "

Gosh... I can't continue... Reading those sms just make me wanna burst out in tears!!! How can that possibly happen to a 24 year old sweet guy like him? What went wrong? How did all this happen? Why? Why? WHY?

I spent the whole evening thinking of Vibesh's words. I felt terribly sorry for him. He was kind enough to let me know of his situation.

God have mercy...

"Bleeding Love"

Closed off from love
I didn't need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you're frozen

But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melts into the ground
Found something true
And everyone's looking round
Thinking I'm going crazy

But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears
Try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal
Is to keep me from falling

But nothing's greater than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness
I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I'm going crazy, maybe, maybe

But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

And it's draining all of me
Oh they find it hard to believe
I'll be wearing these scars
For everyone to see

I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love

Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to KLCC Plenary Hall. Integrated Expressions is proud to present you, Malaysia's first sci-fi musical, "NO LIMITS"...

And... Today's the last day of NO LIMITS musical. It was so tiring. I was all exhausted... Sigh, I wasn't excited that the show was over... If I had the chance to ask for just one more day of performance...? The show ended too fast. And after the show, I had no chance to hang out with the other casts, musicians and crew. In fact, along the whole rehearsal, i never had chance to get to know most of the production team not to mention those I knew from the previous production. And on the last day of performance, I had to sent mom off to the bus station instead... Yerrr... How ironic!!!

This second production I did with Integrated Expressions, was not like the previous Rose Rose, I Love You musical. Yea, I was so quiet throughout the whole musical. Only spoke to the musicians. Many said I was being "anti-social". Yes, memang pun... I hardly talk to anyone. Maybe I came in only after the preview and felt so blur I just minded my own business, that only on the actual performance day itself I finally did say hi to a few of them. During break I was always at the musician pitt instead of joining the others at the backstage changing room:( But really, I don't know why... Due to my graduation recital, I skipped the preview. But it wasn't just that. There's something different with this production this time. I felt awkward actually. Seems like everyone is like so "Yo yo yo man, wassup man.." and I'm being the timid, shy Elaine (like I always am when I don't know anyone...) Nah, I think I just miss Rose musical, that's all. (But... Life's gotta go on la, Elaine!!!)

Enough said bout my anti-social attitude... Well, overall I had fun the whole 3 days of performance. But... not during rehearsals, haha. Maybe rehearsals were being super duper long in the wee hours I was tired and I hardly concentrate on the music even. It's crazy how rehearsals can actually drag up to 3am!!! Gosh, madness!!! But, I was happy to be given another chance to perform with Integrated Expressions after doing Rose Rose, I Love You. Yes, I do admit that I don't get paid much, but well, I'm slowly gaining my way in the music and entertainment industry. I wanna play, I wanna perform, I wanna make music!!! That's my aim...

part of NO LIMITS musicians: Wagner, Ywenna, Hiro & me... 

And after NO LIMITS, I'm still getting busy all the way till end of August doing another upcoming musical "Ismail, The Last Days..." in KLPac. (and maybe till September if we are going to Singapore to perform there...) Mostly this few months after graduation all I did was only accompanyment for my fellow junior friends in uni besides teaching piano at JJ Pianoforte during the weekends and playing in musicals. Playing in KLPac is so much fun, though it can be stressful at times. But once you know the music well, you don't have to worry much. Man, I love performing!!! I love music!!! I am so happy to be given the chance to perform!!!

P.S: To Tong Keat, sorry, I've been a bad accompanist this sem. I hardly practice your songs. I hardly touch the piano!!! To Jessica, I hope I can play well for your recital end of this month... Ee Fang and Cyrena, playing concerto with you guys has never been more than fun and exciting!!!

Yay!!! Finish graduation recital!!! Something to celebrate and be proud of? Haha... I am just happy it's over :) YAY!!!!!!!!

Mommy, TQ for the surprise ya. Esther, thanks for coming all the way from kuantan to watch me perform. Clement, happy birthday:) Pastor Lawrence, Aunty Bee Gaik & Ithrana, thanks for just being there for me and for the love gift. Uncle Alfred & family, Andrew Yap & gf, Hehe... surprise to have you come tonight!!! Wei Ling, Chung Sing, Isaac, Ken, James Yeow, Ms Lilian (OMG, you came too!!!), fellow classmates, thanks for your presence and your wonderful presents. Fruitty Gang, Powerpuff girls; you guys rock!!! Chuan Li, Vui Ming, Chrys, Tong Keat, thanks for cheering so bloody loud for me!!! Housemates and ex housemates: Debbie, Kang Jen, Azeem, Adam, and their friends, you know who you are... TQ for being there for me from the start. Thanks for your company always!!! Ms Chew, I LOVE YOU!!! Thanks for guiding me for being who I am today. To all the others, TQ TQ TQ!!!

TQ everyone for coming to watch my grad recital:) Thanks for your wonderful gifts and nothing makes me more happy than to receive support from everyone...

For other friends, thanks for your prayers and encouragement:) LOVE YOU GUYS!!!

Grrrrr!!!!.... Countdown to grad performance... Exactly 44 hours to go... I'm so nervous!!! Oh nooooooo!!!!

I'm all stressed out now!!!!! Can't sleep, can't concentrate on other things... Helppppppp!!!!!!

I'm going CRAZY soon!!! Arghhhh!!!!!!!!!!

Grhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

Days pass by so fast!!! And only 9 days left before my nightmare finally ends... Wualau ehh... I'm super stress up!!!

Do hope that there will be people coming for my graduation performance... If not it will really be a NIGHTMARE!!!

Yes... My graduation recital will be held at UCSI's main campus, Block C, 3rd Floor. Wednesday, 16th April 2008. 8pm. It will be jam due to the pasar malam so if you wanna avoid the jam, do come early...

Here's the map to UCSI campus:

16th April 2008, 8pm, UCSI Recital Hall...

Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am STRESS!!! Super Stress!!! One side of my head is worried bout history, and the other is of Grad recital... Ahhhh!!!!!!!!!!! My head's gonna break anytime soon.

Take a break... Nah, go back to reading history... Nah, can't concentrate even if I read it. How?!?!?! Why?!?! What to do?!?!

12 more days to go. Man, I just wished it was 12 more weeks to go. Well, at least it wasn't 12 more hours to go. But man, 12 days is coming nearer and nearer... It comes so fast and before I realize, the day is coming near...

Later orchestra concert at 8pm. And I'm not even nervous. And for the first time I don't have to come on time... La la la... Now is my turn to laugh at all the juniors... Coming in early, taking their attendance and listen to boring old briefings and naggings... (Mental shut down...)

I am not sure whether there would be audience in my grad recital or not. I hope there will be audience if it wasn't a big one. But miracle happens...

I am so scareddddddddddddddd.................. I am stress out............ Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yo, Andrew... By now you're already in the plane, and your exciting and adventurous journey begins... From KLIA, transit in Amsterdam and to Germany...

Man, I don't know what to say. I really don't wanna see you go. It's hard to say goodbye. It's hard to bit you farewell. Knowing you have left me makes me sad, but I know all this is for a better cause. I know it's your future.

Have a safe journey to Germany ya. Study hard ya. Start your new life over again...

Will join you some day, pal. I will be missing you very very very much!!! Arghhhh!!! I wanna cry d. I wanna cry so much now!!!

Take care there yea... Hugs & kisses, my dearest best friend... ANDREW KOK SIR HIAN...

Til we meet again...

FRIENDSHIP FOREVER... Elaine & Andrew